I don't mind reading statuses on facebook that read, "I can't wait to have this baby". I wait on pins and needles along with my sister and sister-in-laws as they await the day when they will get to meet their new baby boy or girl. I understand logically that 40 weeks is a long time to carry a growing life force that kicks and stretches and turns. And I feel for the friend who is a week or two past their due date, feeling bloated and melting in the Arizona sun. But can I just say that I, personally, am tired of NOT being pregnant.
I want to know that my nausea is because of new hormones, my indigestion a cause of eating for two. I want blame my stretch marks on growing life and my spreading hips on preparation for a new arrival. I want my tears to be justified and my sore breasts to be hinting at things to come. It would be nice to not have to lift heavy items because my safety was at risk, to waddle for a reason other than doing too many leg lifts, to be aware of the food I ate for more of a reason then the scale.
But more than anything, I am tired of not being pregnant because I am tired of waiting for a sibling for Jackson, for a piece of Dustin and I to join our family, tired of trying, trying and trying again. I am done with moments of being brought to tears because a commercial or a book or a TV show reminds me of what I try not to focus on a daily basis. Most days are no big deal. But today I am tired of not being pregnant.
11 comments:
I have started and restarted this comment three times. Having six kids I don't feel qualified to even leave a response. I'll just say this, hang in there. Hugs and prayers coming your way. I can not even imagine going through that. Thanks this post I am not going to complain about my kids for one whole day. :)
I'm so sorry you were feeling this way yesterday :( I know exactly what you mean. Love you.
I have said this same thing to myself over and over again. You write how so many of us are feeling so well. Amy Grenoble
I just commented and it said BAD ERROR...interesting.
Hang in their Lynz, I know Jackson will have a wonderful little brother/sister one day! Your little family will jump for JOY when that day comes :)
I am so sorry Lindsay! It took me a year to get pregnant with Parker and it was so hard so I can't even imagine what you are feeling. I will pray for you and Dustin and hope it happens for you soon. Love you! Corey
Hey Lyndz!
I totally understand how you feel on lots of levels. Your post really touched me and made me feel not so alone.
Never lose hope.
Vanessa
Lyndzee - You are awesome - thank you for sharing that and making yourself so vulnerable. I can't imagine, but I can imagine your smiling face, your deep love for friends and family and how much I admire and miss you. As I said before: you are awesome. And by the way - who doesn't love hearing 'Built to Spill' when they click on a blog. Miss you friend!
Love you - Maggie
I am not good with my words like you, but i have always been so greatful to have a sister like you who finds joy in my life changes even as you are struggling in some of yours. I love you to peices and you are so strong and amazing and i look up to you soso much! i love you and jackie adn Dustin
We get exactly how you feel! Love and prayers sent your way!
--Mike & Maile
Lyndz, so glad to seeing you blogging but you just made me cry, just know i'm always thinking of you when it comes to this subject. Love Lou x
I love that you say what you feel about this. It really does help people understand where you are and have compassion for you and Dustin. You are amazing Lyndz for staying in there and trying no matter what.
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