Happy Halloween

So we celebrated Halloween with our ward last Saturday, and tonight we are just going to chill at home with some ice cream and a movie. However, we got some fun pics from last week. Dustin and I had fun finding a costume for Penny and then had our costumes fit hers. She was initially going to be a lobster, but we saw the chicken suit and couldn't resist. Enjoy!

So lucky!

Can I just say that I am the luckiest girl in the world. And it is not just because I am going to be able to adopt...I am surrounded by amazing friends and family who lend myself and Dustin more support than we deserve or have ever earned. Your excitement and love and joy mean a lot to the both of us and we hope that we can lend that same love to each and every one of you on important days in your lives. I think we have been very self-centered for the last little while. And while some of it was necessary to get us through school, we hope you all know how much we love you. We're working on it, but this baby may keep us self-centered for a little while longer. :)

Adopting!

So I had no idea that anything would happen so fast, but here we are, officially set to adopt a newborn baby boy that is due Jan.2oth. We have been blessed to find an amazing birth mother who is letting me go to appointments and who wants me in the delivery room. I had a night of anxiety last night because I feel so unprepared, but beyond that I can hardly conceal fits of joy. We know anything can still happen, but we are moving forward witha ton of faith and hope. We have settled on the name Jackson William Durham and love that he already has two awesome boy cousins (6 months apart!) Anywho, thought I would pass on the good news.

I Miss France

So this post is for a few special ladies in my life that I wanted to take time to recognize. I started writing it all on Noelle's blog but I thought I should share it with all.
Paris and all it entailed...
When we are old and filthy rich, we need to go to Europe together, Noelle, Em, Melissa and I, and we can eat chocolate Moose and dance on tables and go semi-skinny dipping and have butter butt prints on our doors and meet sexy soccer players (but we will stare adoringly at our husbands the whole time), sit and listen to guitarists under Le Tour Eiffel (is that feminine or masculine?) and ride the metro and eat cheese and talk servers into giving us free drinks by being cute Americans. We need to go to London again but with a less bossy tour guide and drink Coca Light (although we now know that aspartame will kill us :) We need to eat caramel ice cream and do interpretive dancing (that one is just for you Melissa) and walk miles to see a movie because the buses don't go that late. I am craving you all (yes, I am well aware Melissa is only an hour away!) so I think we need to plan a reunion. If we plan now we can figure it out so lets do a girls weekend next summer. I will go to Utah or back east or an hour away. And Noelle should be the planner because she has the most fun plans ever as evident on her blog. I love you all!

Ups and Downs

Dust and I at SeaWorld
(Don't judge, we had been camping and I hadn't looked in a mirror in 4 days!)

So I thought I would give everyone fair warning now that coming very soon, something amazing is going to happen in the Durham household. No, we aren't pregnant, no, we haven't found out where we are going to medical school yet, we aren't buying a house, winning the lottery, going on a cruise, visiting Europe, getting tummy tucks (or nose reductions). We aren't becoming rockstars (although Dustin is still working on that) or running for President (although I think I could beat both candidates).
So, what is coming? Well, I don't know exactly but I'm sure it will be really big and wonderful. Or at least this is what I am telling myself after last week...
So I wasn't sure if I wanted to share this but I think it is important to share certain frustrations in life if for no other reason than to provide others with someone who understands. We have all been there, we have all thought our lives weren't going in the direction we hoped and we have all felt unheard when it comes to our prayers, but hopefully we have overcome this and were able to see the bigger picture. So here it is...
Last week on Sunday night Dustin and I took a pregnancy test (I took the test, Dustin gave the moral support). We only took the test because I had been feeling really worn down for sometime and we thought we should double check before I ingested any medicine. Now, I have taken dozens of these tests and with the exception of the false positive I once received, the answer has always been the same "Not Pregnant" or "-" depending on the test. This night was different, the test was positive, the second test was positive, and we were elated. Even after our first fits of laughter we would scream to each other across the apartment "No Way!". We thought our almost 4 year journey of infertility was over. However, Monday night I saw signs that made me fear miscarriage. We went to the doctor the next day, took blood tests over the next two days, I had the "wonderful" exam done and we waited. But despite the sweetest of reassurances from family and friends I found out on Friday afternoon that what I had feared had come true.
Now I thought I would crumble, I thought that with all of the history, I would falter. But despite the last week having been one of the most difficult that I have done through, I am fine. Dustin is fine. And I think our faith is stronger. Since Friday I have been more acutely aware of all of our blessings and more devoted than ever to adoption because I felt what it is to know I am ready to be a mother and that there is nothing I want more. I feel more aware of other's trials and how small my own frustrations must seem to others. And I know now that because of this trial, and I am sure the many more to come, my joy will be returned ten fold.
So let me clarify my opening statement. Something big is coming to our home, but I don't know when or what, I only feel very assured that we will be taken care of in a time frame that is not our own.
So I hope I didn't weird anyone out by sharing what may be too personal, but this is my journal and the Durham story and I think sharing heps me to heal the best.
Love you all!