The Durhams

Prayers

2012-01-24T16:35:00.000-08:00

Tonight's prayers were a moment I can't let go undocumented, so here it goes. Every night Jackson gets 2 books and 2 songs before he goes to bed. He has all of his books memorized and loves to say the lines to us as we read to him. A current favorite is a book called I Love You Stinky Face. This is an appropriate book in our family because my terms of endearment for Jackson are often bugger butt or stinky butt or...well, you get my point, stinky face fits right in. So we read our books and sang our songs and then it was time for prayer.

Tonight Jackson requested that Charlie say the prayer. Sometimes we OK this because "Charlie", Jackson's bear who he has given voice and personality to, actually gives pretty sweet prayers. At other times we have to veto the idea because Charlie is too hyper and we can't take his high, squeeky voice anymore. Tonight, however, when this idea was put forward, Jackson also asked that Charlie's dad, Paddington Bear, and Charlie's mom, a stuffed monkey, participate as well. He gathered them all around him, folded their arms and bowed his head over them. Then the prayer proceeded like this:

Charlie: Heavenly Father ( high, squeaky voice)
Paddington: Heavenly Father (in a very low voice)
Monkey: Heavenly Father (in a motherly voice)

Charlie: Thank you for this day
P: Thank you for this day
M: Thank you for this day

C: Bless daddy at school
P: Bless daddy at school
M: Bless daddy at school

C: Bless Jackson to sleep well
P: Bless Jackson to sleep well
M: Bless Jackson to sleep well

C: And I say these things
P: " " " "
M: " " " "

C: In the name of Jesus Christ
P: " " " " "
M: " " " " "

C: Amen!
P: "
M: "

I love that he didn't falter with their voices for the entire prayer. I love his imagination. I love his love for his Savior, no matter how simple. I love this little man.

Little Man Turns 3!

2012-01-15T17:43:00.000-08:00

This month, on Jan. 2nd, Jackson turned 3! I can't believe that 3 years ago today I saw him born, I held him and then 3 days later brought him home. Our lives have been forever changed and we can't imagine what our life would be without him. He is constantly growing and changing and I can't wait to see what this 4th year will bring.

For his third birthday I stole some traditions from friends and had a present waiting on the end of his bed when he woke up, balloons on his floor, and we wrapped his doorway in cray paper. We let him choose the activity of the day, which was playing at the play structure (I really tried to influence him towards going to a waterfall) and then having pizza and fries with his best friend Luke for dinner. I made my family's cherry chocolate bundt cake and the boys, and Harper, had a great time running around on their sugar high.

Yesterday we had his actual birthday party with all of his friends. It was a train themed party and the boys had a blast. We started off by playing Red Light, Green Light, having them earn their caps and bandanas to become train conductors. Then we brought the party inside the house where we played Pass the Parcel, a favorite game I picked up in England. Next was the refueling station where the boys snacked on popcorn, apples, and bagel bites, and sipped juice from their train cups. After building up some steam, the boys then made their own train picture frames, some with more of an abstract eye than others.

Now, the boys may have refueled, but I will be honest, we were running out of energy. Me and Dustin against entertaining six 3 year olds was more work than I had planned. But we chugged along into presents and cake, and ended with smashing up a Thomas pinata. Overall, the birthday was a success, measured by the huge hug and kiss I received from Jackson. I am not a real "Suzie homemaker" kind of girl, and cake decorating and party decorating are more detailed work than I enjoy, but I will do this year after year to make Jackson smile.

And one quick note that I always have to include, or I would be incredibly ungrateful: M, we love you and the beautiful boy you gave us. Please know that with every new step we take with him, we think of you and love you more.

There are no words...

2011-12-04T17:39:00.000-08:00

There are no words to describe the amazing women I have met while living abroad. But there are pictures. So enjoy!

Breaking Dawn and Sparkling Girls

2011-11-30T20:24:00.000-08:00

This week the new Twilight movie opened in Grenada. I know, exciting! Seriously though, I know these movies can be lame, the books poorly written, the mushiness extremely cheesy...but I love it, I love it all! I love acting like I am 15, laughing at inappropriate moments, screaming at chiseled abs and swooning over a sparkly, old fashioned vampire. So a bunch of the SOs (Significant Others) went to see the movie tonight as it was buy one get one free. However, just before we left for the movie I had a burst of inspiration and wanted to go all out and make signs...with lots of glitter. And then as I was getting ready I saw my glittery t-shirt. And as I put on my make-up I saw

my old pink glittery eye shadow. So basically I showed up doused in glitter, with signs in hand, ready to be titillated by a good ole headboard breaking scene, and the movie did not disappoint. The movie was as silly as ever, and yet I still clung to my chair when Bella collapsed (I can be a little dramatic). And lets not forget the beautiful ladies who came with me, who dared to hold up my home made signs, pat on a bit of my glitter, and, in the case of Michelle, give a shout-out to Jacob as he rips of his shirt in the first scene. Thanks as always ladies for a fun filled night! And thank you Twilight to living up to expectations.

Gobble, Gobble

2011-11-29T19:38:00.000-08:00

We had Thanksgiving with our Grenadian family this sunday, 30 people somehow squished into our apartment, and I loved it. The women especially are fabulous. They make everyday a little brighter and every adventure more fun. From these women I learn so much, mostly how to be a better friend. I love them and was so grateful to spend a Thanksgiving evening with them. This isn't to discount their fantastic husbands, our band of men who were women-less, and our replacement parents the Bushes. Everyone contributed excellent dishes and Stephanie made a succulent turkey. Despite the fact that there was only room to sit and no room to walk around, the evening was perfect, only made better by a group game at the end and some stomp practice (don't ask). Anyway, thank you to everyone who made it wonderful. I love you all!

An homage to the fact that Emily's eyes are never open!

Fabulous chocolate turkeys made by Sara just for the kiddies.

My favorites!

Thankful

2011-11-29T19:03:00.000-08:00

For Thanksgiving this year it was just the three of us. My fabulous friends joined me in the morning to watch the parade and teach me pie baking skills, and then I spent the rest of the day making my first Thanksgiving dinner. Because of cost, we did a turkey roast in the crock pot, and it turned out great. And I loved making all of the other dishes and spending my day in the kitchen. A lot went awry, like Jackson dumping the garlic powder all over his bed, or the rolls refusing to rise, but sitting down with just the three of us at dinner and realizing all we have to be thankful for made it my favorite Thanksgiving ever.

The fabulous Peaches and Cream Pie Amber taught me to make. Loved it!

Merry Anniversary: Anniversary Part II

2011-11-21T18:13:00.000-08:00

Our real anniversary was on Sunday, so after church we wanted to enjoy the day with Jackson and Dustin wanted to put his previous cooking plans into action. We used the day to decorate for Christmas, set up the Christmas tree, and eat a delicious dinner prepared by Jackson and Dustin.

Boy in a box. I love his crazy faces.

Our very homemade star. But he was so excited to place it on the tree.

Steak with an amazing marinade and sauteed mushrooms, baked potato, fried plantains, and avocado.

Happy Anniversary!

2011-11-21T17:37:00.000-08:00

My 7 year anniversary with Dustin this year was very surprising. And not just because of the sweet things he did for me, but because I had literally forgotten about it, and special occasions are something I just don't forget.

The Friday before our anniversary Dustin Skyped me asking if he could have the car on Saturday. I told him I had enrichment to attend, plus a lot of work, and I probably continued to babble about all of the things I needed to accomplish. He then said that he had wanted to take me on a surprise date. So we tried to make it work for that night, although I hadn't showered, had been working all day, and the house was its ordinary i'm-too-busy-to-clean mess. I wrote to some of my friends about how sweet it was of my husband to plan a date, relating how unusual it is for him to plan anything. Dustin came home, running circles around me, buying special groceries and arranging babysitting. Finally I asked, "What made you want to do such a special date tonight?" And that is when he sputtered, "It's our anniversary!"

So....he was planning this romantic cook out on the beach and with some swimming (or for some of my more discerning friends, probably some water polo). But being so sweet, he changed the plans for me to just a nice dinner at a restaurant and a movie. I sound so lame, but I was exhausted from the week of work, and Jackson, and attempted cleaning, and I just wanted some simple time with Dustin. We went to see The Help with lots of popcorn and candy, ate a late dinner at Umbrellas, and took a long stroll along the beach. Real date nights happen so rarely lately that just being with each other away from the house was wonderful.

Dustin is the most amazing father, friend, member of our church, student, and any other thing you can think of. But what he is best at is being a husband. He laughs at my jokes and makes me laugh. He can get into a fiery political conversation with me and then discuss scriptures. He always makes me feel beautiful and smart and he drives me wild when he uses medical terminology :) He is my best friend and the best companion and I can't wait to spend the next 7 years and beyond with him. I love you Dustin. And just remember...I chose you! So never forget how lucky you are :)

Fleeting

2011-11-15T19:52:00.000-08:00

Tonight, as I was washing dishes, my last chore before I could climb into bed and fall asleep to my latest novel, with the television on to keep me company and my back to the hallway, I heard Jackson's door open, followed my his footsteps. He emerged sleepy eyed in his discount pink Dora pull-ups announcing that he was awake. He often says this when he comes into our room at 5:30 in the morning or after waking from a nap, so as to quickly remind us of what we might ignore and end up putting him back to bed. So I scooped him and Charlie up, his bear that I am quickly coming to realize is a new member of the family, and I laid him in bed. I covered him with his favorite blanket, placed his head on his favorite lion pillow and started to leave the room. But with a yawn, Jackson asked, "Mommy, please lay with me." Now normally I have to be strict with bed times, because for every inch I give Jackson he takes 11 more. But as I curled up next to him and watched his eyes blink, one, two three times before closing, I thought, "I am all that matters in the world."

I am all that matters to my little monster. He needs only me to lay by him to fall asleep, only me to play hide and seek, only me to set up his train tracks, make paper turkeys, finger paint and read at night. Only me to kiss his owies, teach him to swim and cool down his food before his first bite. And as he slept tucked under my arm I also realized that it will only be me for a little while. As Jackson's world expands, so will what matters to him. So from now on I am going to take each snuggle, each hug and kiss good night, and even each tantrum, and love it for knowing how fleeting it all is.

Charlie

2011-10-30T13:21:00.000-07:00

Jackson has a little bear. This little bear's name is Charlie. This little bear has a very high, squeeky voice. This little bear likes to talk, a lot. When we kiss Jackson, we have to kiss this little bear. When we hug Jackson, we have to hug this little bear. When I need Jackson to do something, like put his shoes in the basket, throw trash away, pick up his toys, he will do it if I ask his little bear. When we ask Jackson to pray, he asks his little bear. Jackson loves this little bear. This little bear is driving me crazy.

New Blog!

2011-10-03T19:26:00.000-07:00

I have started a new blog about fertility. It is just in the beginning stages but I hope for it to be informative and heart felt. Please share any ideas you may have to help me to make it better. Also, I would love to include your own infertility story or piece anytime, so email it to me at lyndzee.durham@gmail.com.

Thanks!

http://heartofinfertility.blogspot.com/

I Love These Women

2011-09-26T17:32:00.000-07:00

Activities have been poorly attended in the past, but this Saturday was phenomenal. We had an amazing turnout for the Relief Society broadcast and the spirits and love of all of the women there were felt throughout the evening. We had a dinner before hand, and while there were a ton of dishes, they were pretty much all devoured before the broadcast, women even fighting over cheesy potatoes and cornbread.

I love these women, the way they made me laugh as they hid chocolate cake to take home. I love these women, the way they brighten the room with their laughter. I love these women, and their willingness to serve each other and others. I love these women, and the way they make me want to be a better woman too.

Photos courtesy of Michelle Greer. Thanks Michelle!

Forever Family

2011-09-12T16:58:00.000-07:00

There are so many things that I have missed blogging about, and the more I miss the more overwhelming it gets and the more I miss...it's a vicious cycle. But I am not going to let all of that keep me from recording some of my more precious moments. And tonight I wanted to give you a glimpse into my forever family.

I taught the lesson in Nursery on Sunday (Sunday School/day care for 18 months to 3 year olds) and the lesson was on temples and forever families. I held up a picture of a temple and we talked about our different families and how we can be together forever. Of course none of them were listening, my child especially, and I can't quite say there was a strong spirit in the room, but the lesson made me love my forever family even more.

Tonight is Family Home Evening, and for those who don't know what that is, it is every Monday night where we spend time together as a family learning spiritual things as well as playing together as a family. Now it would be a lie to say we actually do this every Monday night, or that when we do it is anything more than a song and playing cars with Jackson, but we try. And we are rewarded with these efforts with a night like tonight.

Dustin is home tonight! He took a test today and has the evening free, so him being home for more than just a quick dinner and bath duty is wonderful. We ate dinner, watched the Curious George movie, which Jackson has declared as his favorite, and Dustin and Jackson played cars. Then we laid on our bed with only a desk light on while we sang songs and Jackson happily jumped back and forth between us giving us hugs. We even taught him to sing the "try, try, try" part of the song, "Jesus Once Was a Little Child", so look for a coming performance. Dustin taught about Lehi, the Liahona, and building the boat. We sang the boat song, or better known as "Nephi's Courage", and then Jackson said the prayer. Just a side note: It is amazing how well Jackson prays with us now when just a month ago he didn't even want us to pray. Now, during any type of family prayer, he has to say the prayer and he says his Amens with all the reverence in the world. I love this. Anyway. We finished the prayer and that is when we heard the thunder. And I don't just mean heard, I mean felt it in our bones. I love thunder but this scared me to death! Jackson, however, only smiled and started to bounce. We spent the rest of the night going room to room and turning off the lights so we could watch the lightning show, finally ending in Jackson's room with him wedged between Mom and Dad and falling asleep. I love my little man more than anything. And Dustin isn't too bad either. I want to have these nights every night but I know Dustin's crazy schedule makes them all the more valuable. I love my forever family and I hope you enjoy your forever family too. G'night!

Another Bump in the Road...Minus the Bump

2011-08-23T10:44:00.000-07:00

Well, it is officially official. A week ago I was 5 weeks pregnant and today I am not. Yes, it was early. Yes, I am lucky I have a beautiful little boy. Yes, at least I know I can get pregnant (every 3 to 4 years). But YES, IT SUCKS.

Three weeks ago my breasts were swollen and sore. I thought it was normal PMS until I realized that my period was still 2 weeks away. A seed of hope began to grow. During the second week of tenderness I would revel at the pain as each day it continued my confidence in being pregnant grew. I took a pregnancy test, it was negative. I took a pregnancy test, it was negative. But I was sure. I took 4 more pregnancy tests and they were positive, although it wasn't until the 4th test that Dustin believed it as well. We didn't dance around the house and sing as we did the first time. We didn't start planning and naming and giggling as we did the first time. But there was a quiet reverence in the house as we crept around each other in awe of our budding miracle.

Then the bleeding started and my heart dropped. I didn't admit it out loud until I told my friend about it at church and that is when the doubt started to trickle in. The next day I made an appointment with the doctor and was told that it was a threatened abortion but that it could go either way. 50/50 were my odds, although with my history it felt more like 90/10. That night Dustin gave me a blessing and like the sweet, genuine, honest and faithful man that he is, he searched for the right words to comfort me but didn't feel right in saying that this pregnancy would continue.

The next day I had another appointment and by this time the anxiety of the situation was overwhelming. I am already an anxious person and the waiting and battle between hope and doubt were more than I could handle. When the doctor told me that my uterus was small but that we would still have to wait for another week, that was my last straw. My car was parked at the top of a steep hill and as I climbed the hill my breath grew shallow and started coming in gasps. By the time I reached my car I could barely breathe. And as I drove home my heart flooded into tears. I couldn't reach Dustin, Jackson was asleep and I felt very alone and very weak. I got on my knees and prayed. I prayed for it to all be OK. I prayed to have a child, for Jackson to have a sibling, for Dustin to not have yet another obstacle to overcome while in school. And in the end I prayed that I would have to strength to go through a miscarriage. My heart felt broken and my spirit felt void. I prayed for peace.

The next morning I didn't feel pregnant. Then I started to cramp. Then I started to bleed. But that same morning I felt at peace. I felt calm and assured. Our home was quiet and we felt joy at watching Jackson totter around us and be the wild, sweet boy that he is.

We are sad for what we almost had and lost but we will be OK as we always have been. I just wanted to share our experience as I know our infertility does not set us apart but allows us to share in others struggles and trials with more compassion and love.

Proof my son is amazing!

2011-08-08T21:42:00.000-07:00

Infertility

2011-08-07T17:04:00.000-07:00

Was referred to this article by Dustin's grandmother and I really appreciated it. For all those whom I love who struggle with infertility, and for those who love and me and support me in my trial.

Infertility: When Children Don’t Come Easily
Kerstin Daynes - June 14, 2011

I have sat in Relief Society, looking around at the sisters, certain that none of them knew how I felt. I was sure that they had no clue what it was like to feel the deep sorrow and grief caused by infertility. To others, my body looks fine and they would never suspect that inside, my soul is bruised, tender, and aching.

Though I often felt that no one knew my pain, I have learned with time that I was wrong. Perhaps every woman does not know what it is like to be infertile, but without question, every woman knows what it feels like to be saddened by experiences of life. Our circumstances are very different, but we have all wept because of heartache, misery, disappointment, and guilt when life does not turn out the way we desired or felt that it should. How common we really are!

With statistics showing that infertility affects 15 percent of the population, it could be said that each of us knows someone who is dealing with infertility—it could be a friend, a sister, a son, or, it may be you. It is incredibly painful to learn that you cannot do what comes so easily for most people. And, when you are in a religious culture that is focused on families, feelings of deep sorrow can emerge frequently.

Regardless of if we are fertile or infertile, stepping back and thinking about infertility differently can offer hope, peace, and feelings of inclusion.

If You Are Dealing with Infertility
It is easy to feel as though you live on the social periphery where you are observing everyone else living the ideal life. You feel forgotten. You feel like you do not belong. But, at the same time, you, I, and all people with this challenge have a choice. We can choose to feel isolated and alone, or we can find meaning and depth to life as it is. Here are some ideas to consider.

1. Recognize your specific, individualized plan.
We all do it—we all look at our lives and how they are deficient compared to everyone else. These moments of comparison do us no good. We need to remember that in addition to His overall plan, Heavenly Father also has an individualized, specific plan for each of us. We are each given opportunities to learn and grow, tailored to our personalities, that are different from anyone else’s opportunities. It is in these differences that we can see that we are being tutored, that our souls are expanding, and that our hearts are being purified.

2. Find life in other realms.
Parenthood is only one realm of life. Each realm, even if it lasts but a small season, can add dimension, provide growth, and change us in ways that other realms cannot. Additionally, each realm can provide new friends, draw new talents from within us, and allow us to be something greater than we were before. These realms, of course, do not replace parenthood. Rather, they are what we do in the interim. Some of these other realms include volunteering, receiving an education, enjoying a career, being a temple worker, or developing a talent.

3. Educate rather than retaliate.
Be ready for questions and comments—they come when you least expect it! When you come up with exact phrases to use at specific times, you will be prepared instead of being caught unaware. When you are prepared, it is easier to remain calm and in control. Try to make your responses positive and non-offensive. If we respond negatively, we further isolate ourselves and push ourselves away from others. When we focus on educating and helping to raise awareness, we foster relationships of love and understanding.

4. Preserve your marriage.
Be careful that infertility and the quest for a child does not become a priority over your marriage relationship. Fortify your marriage by going on dates, setting goals unrelated to baby-making, learning what your spouse needs from you and providing it, and being sensitive to the emotions of your spouse. Establish “time-outs” when you keep yourself away from anything associated with infertility. If you can preserve a good relationship with your spouse, you will endure this trial.

5. Do the things you know you should.
Going to the temple won’t improve sperm count. Reading your scriptures will not open damaged fallopian tubes. But doing these things shows that we are choosing to have faith. If we want miracles to happen and doors to open, we need to do all things we have been told to do. Even after our expression of faith, the outcome of our actions may not be the exact miracle we seek, but we will have increased ability to cope, strength to endure, and ability to see interim blessings.

For Those Seeking to Support
It can be difficult to support someone dealing with infertility. As with any trial, it is challenging to know exactly what to say and how to say it without offending or causing an overwhelming emotional response. No matter who you are, you are in a unique position and have a valuable opportunity to help your friend or family member find the capacity to endure this trial with greater success. Here are some things to consider:

1. Think about what you have to offer.
In a time of trial, has someone reached out to you in a way that you appreciated? Could you apply those acts of love to the situation with your friend or family member who is dealing with infertility? We all know what it feels like to feel alone, betrayed, and to be pained by a life experience. We can take what we have learned to reach out and help another.

2. Learn more about infertility.
Since statistics show that 15 percent of the reproductive-age population experiences infertility, to the other 85 percent, fertility is what is known. That 85 percent might not know that infertility affects so many people, what the causes of infertility are, and the treatment options that are available. Educating yourself about infertility gives you a greater advantage as you reach out to comfort your friend.

3. Recognize that every case of infertility is unique.
Diagnoses are different, which means the path to building a family is different for every couple. It is very easy for every infertile couple to be lumped into one category and for others to assume that what worked for Couple A will surely work for Couple B. Instead of telling your friend about someone else’s experience, focus on what your friend is talking about and learn about his or her specific experience.

4. Understand that infertility is real.
“Trying too hard” or not understanding human reproduction doesn’t cause infertility. Some causes of infertility may require medical intervention, medications, or even surgeries to improve chances of conceiving and carrying a child to full term. Some couples may never be able to conceive. A couple can be at the beginning of the road, while another is seasoned by years of disappointment. Another couple may be dealing with multiple miscarriages, while another is wondering why baby number one came so easily and number two has been a struggle. Recognize that the suffering, frustration, and anger are real.

5. Acknowledge challenges across the life span.
The topic of families and children comes up regularly as we give lessons and plan activities. It is important to acknowledge families come in all shapes and sizes. Additionally, it is healthy to acknowledge that life is far from perfect for any of us. Be honest about how these imperfections affect us and consider how the gospel can fortify us during these adversities.

Infertility does not have to be the “elephant in the room.” Rather, it is something that can be addressed and acknowledged with genuine love and understanding. As we consider our similarities and put forth a bit of effort, we will recognize that we have the capacity to reach out to offer—or accept—peace, comfort, and a place of belonging.

Hope in Treatment
If there’s one thing fertility specialist Dr. Russell Foulk could say to couples struggling with infertility, it is: “Infertility is a treatable condition.”

Foulk, a nationally recognized reproductive endocrinologist with Utah Fertility Clinic, says one of the biggest misconceptions about infertility is that it’s difficult to treat. “As long as you can find the factor that’s keeping them from getting pregnant, you can overcome it.” In fact, Foulk says 95 to 98 percent of infertility cases can be overcome with normal processes.

Another misconception that keeps couples from treatment is that treatment is prohibitively expensive, but with lack of ovulation being the largest cause of infertility, most couples can be treated for $2,000 or less—a far cry from the tens of thousands many expect. “There are some people that have to do the expensive stuff, but the vast majority do not need that,” he says.

Psychologists have found that being infertile has the same psychological impact as being diagnosed with cancer, so even taking initial steps to treat it provides astounding relief to couples. “Don’t continue to suffer with it,” he says, knowing from his own experience, together with his wife, how frustrating infertility can be. “One of the things we see is a lot of relief. Once couples see what’s wrong and find a way to cur it, then it gives them hope and they know they will eventually achieve a successful outcome.”

Moments

2011-05-25T19:36:00.000-07:00

I had an "I love being a mommy" moment as I hung little pairs of cars and Thomas big boy undies to dry, ready for another day of potty training. Who knew that these seemingly tedious and small things would end up making my life seem very worth while and fullfilling.

A Change of Pace

2011-02-11T12:16:00.000-08:00

So lets move on from the mushy to my favorite topic, BOOKS! In short, I love 'em. Can't get enough of 'em. And I want to know some of your favorites because I have the strange fear that someday I am going to run out of books to read, which has led me to hoard them on my kindle app as literary food storage. But I know that choosing a favorite book can be like choosing a favorite child so don't spend too much time thinking about it and just let it out.
Here are some of mine (although this list could be revised over and over again and I would always feel guilty for what I left out).
1. Jane Eyre
2. Wednesday Wars
3. Grapes of Wrath
4. Slaughterhouse 5
5. Poisonwood Bible
6. Animal, Vegetable, Miracle
7. Harry Potter Series (These books made me dream I could do magic, not to be ignored in a list of favs)
8. Hungergames Series
9. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
10. The Bell Jar
11. Their Eyes Were Watching God
12. Cutting for Stone

Ok, so I love all of these books but ranking them is impossible so just know they are all excellent and I can list another 10 or 20 if anyone needs any ideas. My husband loves to gift mixed tapes as music is his love. I give book recommendations. Be careful with my babies :)

A Blog A Day Will Keep The Therapist Away

2011-02-09T16:46:00.000-08:00

First, I want to say how thankful I am to have so many loving, caring and compassionate people in my life, family and friends. I am also grateful for the opportunity to give voice to the struggles of others, in many times worse than my own. But let me also say that when I am able to post my thoughts, I am usually at peace, if for not just being able to cathartically write about what I am feeling. Please don't worry that I am curled up on my bed, in my most worn PJs, smothering my face in a tear stained pillow and playing my sad song, "Five String Serenade", on a loop. Don't think that I have spent the day fooling you with a smile while I was internally wilting away.
My posts are compilations of my emotions, battles that I may wage on a daily basis coming to a head for a moment of clarity. I love that I can share these moments with others and that I can find release in writing. While I haven't blogged for a while, I hope to do so more often, the good and bad, the day-to-day and the miraculous moments. Sharing my experiences, mostly through discussion and now through the written word, heals me and keeps me in motion.
And let me just add to the beautiful people in my life who are having similar experiences, or struggles in general, the truth that keeps me on my feet and smiling is that I know I have a Heavenly Father who knows me, loves me and is mindful of my every need. I may sound cheeserific, but that knowledge alone will continue to carry me through the next fertility text, adoption certification, disappointment and, finally, the realization of everything we need to be a family.

So Tired of NOT being Pregnant

2011-02-08T17:58:00.000-08:00

I don't mind reading statuses on facebook that read, "I can't wait to have this baby". I wait on pins and needles along with my sister and sister-in-laws as they await the day when they will get to meet their new baby boy or girl. I understand logically that 40 weeks is a long time to carry a growing life force that kicks and stretches and turns. And I feel for the friend who is a week or two past their due date, feeling bloated and melting in the Arizona sun. But can I just say that I, personally, am tired of NOT being pregnant.
I want to know that my nausea is because of new hormones, my indigestion a cause of eating for two. I want blame my stretch marks on growing life and my spreading hips on preparation for a new arrival. I want my tears to be justified and my sore breasts to be hinting at things to come. It would be nice to not have to lift heavy items because my safety was at risk, to waddle for a reason other than doing too many leg lifts, to be aware of the food I ate for more of a reason then the scale.
But more than anything, I am tired of not being pregnant because I am tired of waiting for a sibling for Jackson, for a piece of Dustin and I to join our family, tired of trying, trying and trying again. I am done with moments of being brought to tears because a commercial or a book or a TV show reminds me of what I try not to focus on a daily basis. Most days are no big deal. But today I am tired of not being pregnant.

A Year of the Greatest Days Ever!

2010-01-03T18:35:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it but it will be a year tomorrow since we brought our beautiful little boy home from the hospital and it is amazing how quickly the feelings come flooding back from that wonderful time in our lives. In fact, I still tear up when I listen to Kenneth Cope, not because I like his music necessarily, but because it was the soundtrack to our lives the days before and after we met Jackson. I remember the rush of emotion I felt when I saw Jackson being born and his cheesy, gorgeous smile still overwhelms me with what a precious little gift we were given.
But Jackson coming into our lives was just the beginning of the greatest days ever. As I mentioned, we brought Jackson home three days later and I remember getting pooped and peed on with the first diaper I changed at home. And while I remember being very tired, i loved how much I was able to snuggle with him late into the night, often sleeping with him in my arms in the rocker or in bed. We did a lot of singing, shhhhing and cooing, rocking, bouncing and swinging and lots and lots of loving. I especially remember that the first 6 weeks of having him home I was filled with joy. Motherhood seemed to me the most amazing of occupations and it was everything and more than I had hoped.
This isn't to say that it in any way went down hill from there though. Reality did set in more but the days of wonder didn't cease. We saw Jackson smile, roll over, sit up, go to his first baseball game, go in the pool for the first time, his first plane ride, his playtimes with his 2 cousins and countless other firsts.
And then of course came the day when he was officially made ours. It was rushed and frustrating at times. We were nervous and stressed because of the time line and other events. But yet another miracle happened in our lives when we received the call that we would be able to get the adoption finalized within a week. Our lawyer said he had never heard of the system working so quickly and we were also at the mercy of a kind judge who fit us into his busy schedule. We probably could have brought all of our family with us that day, but without thinking we went alone and had a great experience where our years of waiting were brought to an end with a 5 minute court appearance and the well wishes of a judge.
And then only days passed before we had a whirlwind weekend of having Jackson sealed to us and then having Dustin bless him. I have mentioned it before but it doesn't hurt to repeat: the day of Jackson's sealing was the most spiritual day of my life! i have never felt the Spirit so strong as I did in the temple that day and the fact that I was able to relive my wedding day only made it all the more sweet. In fact, being able to have the promises of posterity fulfilled was something for which we had been waiting for almost 5 years.
And now, 5 months later, after an adventure in Grenada and with many adventures ahead of us, the year has come to an end with the celebration of Jackson's first birthday the last of the greatest days ever of the year. And here are some of the pictures of our beautiful little boy from a beautiful day filled with beautiful memories.

Some of the sweet treats for the party... we had a cupcake decorating party the night before with family and I am especially proud of the monkey cake where I learned to fill in the frosting with little stars. Grandma J is to be credited with the smaller monkey cake.

Birthday Boy in the inflatable bounce house before and after the cake carnage.

Decorations and Party guests

The cake encounter

Presents

and us...

Vacationing in Grenada

2009-12-09T18:26:00.000-08:00

Yes, we do live in Grenada. And because we live in Grenada we often take for granted how lush the mountain sides are, how beautifully blue the oceans are, how there are a lot of things to do besides going to "pool day" or catching a 3 month old movie at the theater. And so, now that Dustin is done with his finals and we have a week to kill before our badly planned flight on monday, we have decided to rediscover this island we have been habitating for the past four months and go on vacation!

Tuesday morning Dustin got up with Jackson, because he is a wonderful husband and doesn't even need me to ask for a morning to sleep in, and fed him, dressed him and took him on a long walk on the beach. They took some beautiful pictures and came back smelling like beach and sweat.

Jamal and Peterson from our ward out catching bait before they go fishing.

Our church is the building in the middle of the picture. It has quite a view if you have to bounce a baby during the meetings.

Later that day we all went to the beach for some much needed time in the sun and on the sand...Jackson unfortunately went a little crazy and had his first mud pie.

We tuckered Jackson out for the day but started all over again when we set out to go to Belmont Estates where the island's organic cocoa beans are grown and processed before they are sent to the Grenadian Chocolate Company. First, we were able to eat at the estate's restaurant where I had a delicious pumpkin soup to start and Dustin had the Callaloo soup. The entree was buffet style consisting of several local dishes including sauteed provisions (yams, bananas, plantains), fried chicken with a mustard sauce, grilled tuna, mutton curry and green beans. Our drinks were fresh juices, Dustin having passion fruit, my favorite, and I had the restaurant's specialty of fruit punch, a mixture of several fruits grown on the estate. Dessert was divine! I had the passion fruit cheese cake and Dust had the nutmeg ice cream...he is currently laughing at me for listing such mundane details but food is never a mundane detail to me ).

After the wonderful lunch we went on the estate tour and learned all about how the cocoa beans are harvested. While the tour was a little dry, I really enjoyed the information and the glimpse it gave into the history of the island. And to balance out the tour afterwards we took our own tour around to see the animals and watch Jackson get scared to death at the sound of a parrot. The hat we bought him is inspired by a coconut. We wanted to get him the watermelon hat but people already mistake him for a girl a little too often :)

That has been our week so far but we are planning on cramming in all the fun we can into the rest of our time here. We love this island and will miss it a lot. We really are spoiled to live in such a beautiful place!

The cocoa beans that are laid out for 8 days to dry. Someone has to walk through them every 30 minutes to mix them up and make sure they are all drying evenly. I was able to run my toes through them and I don't think I would mind doing the job myself. If it rains, which is does quite frequently, and in short bursts, the roof next to the beans slides over them and the racks in front slide underneath.

A few more pics from our drive home today down the north side of the island.

Wonderful weekend in Paradise!

2009-11-25T06:53:00.000-08:00

As promised, I am actually blogging! I feel that this wonderful past weekend deserved more that a two line status report.
So this last Friday was my 5th wedding anniversary with my wonderful hubby and I can't begin to tell you how grateful I am for him. I have always wanted to be an adventurous person but too afraid to get out of my comfort zone. And now, because of him and his hard work and determination, I am living in Grenada and then jetting off to England for a year. He has been from the day I met him and will always be my best friend because he makes me laugh, cry, and want to be a better person everyday. He has a love for service that I am always trying to learn from and a love for the gospel that has helped my own testimony to blossom. He is an amazing father to Jackson and I love watching him as he takes care of our little man with so much care. And he is a wonderful husband to me as he is always serving me, teaching me and loving me.
A quick fun snapshot of our marriage today would show us laughing our heads of at The Office, analyzing the dresses on Project Runway, playing with Jackson on Saturdays at the Beach, one of us always begging the other to get them a glass of water (because it is such a looong walk from one end of our apartment to the other :), me reading a book and then giving Dustin the summary because I want to be able to discuss it, Dustin walking around the apartment reciting Biochemistry information out loud while I try to read, me sending Dustin to the store for 3 things and him coming back with 1 of them plus chips and pop tarts, 1 AM play times with Jackson when we accidentally wake him up on our way to bed, and snuggling on our mini sofa (quite a funny picture)on Friday nights to watch a movie on our computer that has no speakers so we have to turn off the fan and sit really close and barely breath to hear the movie.
So to the weekend: Friday night for our anniversary we went to this wonderful restaurant here called the Beach House. We knew it would be expensive so we waited for this occasion to try it out and it was definitely worth the wait. We were given free Pina Coladas and a free dessert with our names written on the plate. The food was delicious and it wasn't until we left the restaurant that we realized that it had been the first night out without Jackson in a long time. We knew it was relaxing, we just couldn't put our finger on it until we left. The first meal out in a while where one of us wasn't holding Jackson and bouncing him on the side while the other ate. We then went home and watched Star Trek, Jackson having already been put to sleep by our wonderful babysitters Maria and Matt.
And if Friday weren't enough, Saturday we went on a Sunset Cruise with a bunch of our favorite people. It was gorgeous and the weather was perfect and I think the pictures will do justice to the amazing time we had.

My Own Personal Fan Club

2009-09-28T16:23:00.001-07:00

Every time I go to pick Jackson up from his crib, whether it is after a nap or after some playtime, he claps. At first this was only occassionally as he learned to clap, but now, even if he has been crying or on his belly, when I lean over the crib he flips on to his back and applauds. I have had a wonderful day today and I attribute it to being applauded several times accompanied by big smiles and hugs. Jackson may not be able to say thank you yet but his little hands give me all I need to keep going. I love my little bug!

I miss...

2009-09-04T12:07:00.000-07:00

I miss Costco and Target, pizzas that aren't thin crusted, using a lot of A/C, Jackson sleeping in his own room, buying disposable diapers without feeling financially guilty, the public library system, a couch I can snuggle on that isn't outdoor furniture, gas stations with treat drinks, inexpensive Diet Coke, carpet that I can vacuum instead of sweep, dry heat, a full size refrigerator, a drier, a bathtub, 110 electrical outlets, electrical oven and stove, drive-thru anything, cheap fruit, Ice Tango, being able to dispose of poop properly, driving on the "right" side of the road, the Temple, Jackson as a 3 month old who let me cuddle him all day long, wonderful parents/grandparents, favorite college roommate who always say the right thing, my sister who I didn't talk to a lot anyway but loved having her close, and most of all, Dustin.
I love all of the green around me, the beautiful hills and mountains, the beach, beach beach! That Jackson is becoming so independent and a wonderful little man, that Dustin is working so hard and still lets me know he loves me, a church that means instant, wonderful friends and opportunities to serve, a pool membership, seeing baptisms in the ocean, pool day on Thursday at the faculty pool, learning how to cook new dishes and not eating out, the smoothie place that makes a great Guava smoothie, becoming much better at housework, Jackson's nap times and play times, moms who go out of their way for us and that we have the opportunity of a lifetime!!!

Fluffy Bum

2009-08-26T12:14:00.000-07:00

So I have been using cloth diapers for a week now and I was all set to give a glowing report of how well I have adjusted to his new task. I wanted to gloat of my new more natural mothering abilities and ask for others to convert to the fluffy stuff as well...that was until we had two "blow outs" this morning. And I don't know who ever came up with the phrase, "When it is your child, you don't mind", because I mind! I hate poopy diapers already (and there really isn't a more graceful way to say it). And having poopy cloth diapers only compounds the problem. Jackson has decided just recently to move from firm to squishy, just in time for me to make the transition from disposable to smelly and washable. Don't worry though, I will not let this very messy morning get me down. I will persevere and conquer! Stay tuned...

Jackson dumped over his toy bin...

and climbed right in!

Where to begin?

2009-08-24T06:50:00.000-07:00

Can you believe it? I'm back! And being the truly wonderful mother that I am, I have failed to blog about the first 8 months of Jackson's life...but it is never to late to start. And there is the little fact that we have packed our bags and moved to the Island of Grenada in the West Indies where Dustin has begun his trek through medical school. So that brings me to the topic at hand...Where to begin.
Since part of the reason for my long absence from blogging is the pressure I feel to catch up, I am going to bypass the past and begin with the present.
First: I can't believe we live in Grenada! It is an extremely beautiful, exotic place with wonderfully warm people and a culture I am still trying to figure out. We have been here for only two weeks now and in all honesty it feels like it. I still feel a little isolated, lonely, nervous to go out and about by myself and I am looking at the next two years staring me down like it will be an eternity. But despite all of these feelings, I am positive this will be a life changing experience.
This year has been a whirlwind for us with the adoption of Jackson, Dustin retaking the MCAT, moving in with my parents, moving out of a ward we loved, finding out we were moving to Grenada in June, getting passports, thinking I would have to stay behind while we finalized the adoption, miraculously getting the adoption finalized a week before we left, getting sealed in the temple to Jackson, having Jackson blessed, and finally our two days of travel to get here. And though I have been stressed out beyond measure, scared and overwhelmed, I have felt very aware that my family was being taken care of. In fact, Dustin and I are both very aware that we are no longer able to lack faith in our lives, we have been given too much, time and again, to ever doubt our Heavenly Father, his awareness of us, and the path we are supposed to take.
I know I am getting off track but I am just going to go where my thoughts lead me right now: Our families are amazing. I just want to publicly let them know that we could not do anything without them. We were not able to get loans for this first term and there is no way we would be here now had they not all offered there support, both financially as well as emotionally, and through their service and love. They are there to counsel with us, they have helped us learn as we have raised Jackson, they have put a roof over our heads, helped with transportation, babysat, supported us on our biggest occasions, taken care of our sweet Penny, fed us and most importantly, never stopped believing in Dustin's ability to become a doctor and mine to be a mother.
We love them with all of our hearts and hope that among other ways of paying them back, that we will make them proud of who we become and how we live our lives. Their faith has sustained us when ours was lacking and now we will have the faith we need to continue on.
On the day that Jackson was sealed to us I was overcome with emotion and I believe it to have been the best day in my life. Not only were all three of us made a family for eternity, but I felt very aware of the covenants I had made to Dustin on our sealing day and the promises that were being fulfilled. I am unbelievably grateful for this experience and for this opportunity.
I guess this post was all over the place but now maybe I will be able to do more day-to-day posts in the future. My heart is just so overcome with gratitude that the second I start writing my emotions overflow. I hope I don't ever lose these feelings but hopefully I can at least talk about other things. Thanks for bearing with my ramblings.

My little love

2009-03-03T15:28:00.000-08:00

As I sit here contemplating the last tow months, trying to type with one hand my thoughts while using the other arm to cuddle with Jackson as he recovers from today's shots, I am overwhelmed with gratitude. Never in my life did I think I could love someone so much. From the moment I saw him born I felt my life and heart change and I know I will never be the same.
But let me start at the beginning...although at the rate I am typing I might have to finish another day.
Jackson was born on January 2nd, 2009 at 7am at Scottsdale Memorial Hospital. We were called by his birth mother Mindy on the 1st at 8pm as we were watching Benjamin Button. WE went home, got Penny to leave at my parents, and went to the hospital.
While it was a long night it was also a very special night. Myself and Dustin grew very close to Mindy and her sisters as we waited in the room and it felt like one big family.
As dawn approached we were all getting a little fuzzy headed and tired but as time has shown, that is when Jackson likes to be the most active! It was a fast labor but a difficult one as he came out face up and one of his shoulders was stuck The doctor had to actually put one foot on the bed to brace herself as she pulled Jackson out.
I had hoped I would cry in the way that you know you should cry at weddings and funerals, but nothing could have prepared me for the onslaught of emotion I felt as I saw Jackson come into this world He was gorgeous, in a bruised and smooshed up kinda way :), and I cried as I felt my heart would burst. Perhaps this sounds over dramatic but nothing so dramatic has ever happened to me like this before. I had sent Dustin behind the curtain so as not to make Mindy feel uncomfortable in her exposed state but he saw Jackson as he was placed on the table for cleaning and I know he felt the same way.
The weekend was hard. Mindy was very brave as she spent the days saying goodbye to Jackson and my heart ached to have him home as soon as possible. There is a lot of guilt associated with adoption because you don't want to be the cause of the struggle that I know Mindy felt, but I know we all were helped and uplifted spiritually during that time because on the third night, Mindy handed Jackson over to my arms.
I guess I will leave it at that for now except to say that he now weighs 14 lbs 7 oz and is in the 97th percentile for his weight. He is almoat 24 inches long at 75% and his head is 50%. He is a huge baby boy but that just means more baby to snuggle!

2009-03-03T15:23:00.000-08:00

2009-03-03T15:13:00.000-08:00

src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_w7h9WUofsRw/Sa261EGNPqI/AAAAAAAAAbg/dy5atjnDqw4/s320/100_1865.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5309104956535291554" />

Slacker Mom

2009-01-11T21:03:00.001-08:00

So sorry for not posting sooner the wonderful news that we adopted a beautiful baby boy this last Monday who was born on Jan. 2nd at 7am. He was 9 lbs. and 21 inches and is gorgeous. I want to go into all of the details of Jackson's journey but time is short these days so for now I will post pics. For those of you on Facebook, these are repetitive. I post on Facebook the most because that is where the birth mother Mindy gets her updates. More to come soon but enjoy these in the mean time

4D Photos of Baby Jackson

2008-12-09T14:43:00.001-08:00

Happy Anniversary!

2008-11-20T17:34:00.000-08:00

So today is our 4 year anniversary and I have never felt so lucky. Not only are we awaiting the arrival of a little boy that we are already in love with, but I am in love with an amazing man (and he loves me too!) I don't want to go on much because whatever I will say will sound a little contrived and mushy but it is enough to say he is my best friend and I will love him forever. Thanks Dustin for a wonderful 4 years and for the eternities to follow.

Funniest Thing Ever!

2008-11-03T22:33:00.000-08:00

So Dust and I didn't get to date in high school...here is the next best thing.

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

Vote!

2008-11-03T10:39:00.000-08:00

So I am going all patriotic on my blog today to remind everyone to vote tomorrow in what has been the most interesting election of my lifetime and perhaps the most important. Now I don't think it comes as a surprise to anyone that I am a McCain supporter, but no matter what you believe in or what you values are, you need to vote! Have fun waiting in lines tomorrow (unless you voted early, which I am not a big fan of but whatever) and enjoy this amazing right we have to choose our leaders and to be part of the process. No matter who is elected, this is an amazing country and we will get through this hard economic time and the times to come.
Enjoy this Jib Jab cartoon, they let you personlize it with your own photo. I put Dustin in :)

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

Happy Halloween

2008-10-31T19:41:00.000-07:00

So we celebrated Halloween with our ward last Saturday, and tonight we are just going to chill at home with some ice cream and a movie. However, we got some fun pics from last week. Dustin and I had fun finding a costume for Penny and then had our costumes fit hers. She was initially going to be a lobster, but we saw the chicken suit and couldn't resist. Enjoy!

So lucky!

2008-10-27T20:05:00.000-07:00

Can I just say that I am the luckiest girl in the world. And it is not just because I am going to be able to adopt...I am surrounded by amazing friends and family who lend myself and Dustin more support than we deserve or have ever earned. Your excitement and love and joy mean a lot to the both of us and we hope that we can lend that same love to each and every one of you on important days in your lives. I think we have been very self-centered for the last little while. And while some of it was necessary to get us through school, we hope you all know how much we love you. We're working on it, but this baby may keep us self-centered for a little while longer. :)

Adopting!

2008-10-23T14:53:00.000-07:00

So I had no idea that anything would happen so fast, but here we are, officially set to adopt a newborn baby boy that is due Jan.2oth. We have been blessed to find an amazing birth mother who is letting me go to appointments and who wants me in the delivery room. I had a night of anxiety last night because I feel so unprepared, but beyond that I can hardly conceal fits of joy. We know anything can still happen, but we are moving forward witha ton of faith and hope. We have settled on the name Jackson William Durham and love that he already has two awesome boy cousins (6 months apart!) Anywho, thought I would pass on the good news.

I Miss France

2008-10-13T21:35:00.000-07:00

So this post is for a few special ladies in my life that I wanted to take time to recognize. I started writing it all on Noelle's blog but I thought I should share it with all.
Paris and all it entailed...
When we are old and filthy rich, we need to go to Europe together, Noelle, Em, Melissa and I, and we can eat chocolate Moose and dance on tables and go semi-skinny dipping and have butter butt prints on our doors and meet sexy soccer players (but we will stare adoringly at our husbands the whole time), sit and listen to guitarists under Le Tour Eiffel (is that feminine or masculine?) and ride the metro and eat cheese and talk servers into giving us free drinks by being cute Americans. We need to go to London again but with a less bossy tour guide and drink Coca Light (although we now know that aspartame will kill us :) We need to eat caramel ice cream and do interpretive dancing (that one is just for you Melissa) and walk miles to see a movie because the buses don't go that late. I am craving you all (yes, I am well aware Melissa is only an hour away!) so I think we need to plan a reunion. If we plan now we can figure it out so lets do a girls weekend next summer. I will go to Utah or back east or an hour away. And Noelle should be the planner because she has the most fun plans ever as evident on her blog. I love you all!

Ups and Downs

2008-10-06T17:25:00.000-07:00

Dust and I at SeaWorld
(Don't judge, we had been camping and I hadn't looked in a mirror in 4 days!)

So I thought I would give everyone fair warning now that coming very soon, something amazing is going to happen in the Durham household. No, we aren't pregnant, no, we haven't found out where we are going to medical school yet, we aren't buying a house, winning the lottery, going on a cruise, visiting Europe, getting tummy tucks (or nose reductions). We aren't becoming rockstars (although Dustin is still working on that) or running for President (although I think I could beat both candidates).
So, what is coming? Well, I don't know exactly but I'm sure it will be really big and wonderful. Or at least this is what I am telling myself after last week...
So I wasn't sure if I wanted to share this but I think it is important to share certain frustrations in life if for no other reason than to provide others with someone who understands. We have all been there, we have all thought our lives weren't going in the direction we hoped and we have all felt unheard when it comes to our prayers, but hopefully we have overcome this and were able to see the bigger picture. So here it is...
Last week on Sunday night Dustin and I took a pregnancy test (I took the test, Dustin gave the moral support). We only took the test because I had been feeling really worn down for sometime and we thought we should double check before I ingested any medicine. Now, I have taken dozens of these tests and with the exception of the false positive I once received, the answer has always been the same "Not Pregnant" or "-" depending on the test. This night was different, the test was positive, the second test was positive, and we were elated. Even after our first fits of laughter we would scream to each other across the apartment "No Way!". We thought our almost 4 year journey of infertility was over. However, Monday night I saw signs that made me fear miscarriage. We went to the doctor the next day, took blood tests over the next two days, I had the "wonderful" exam done and we waited. But despite the sweetest of reassurances from family and friends I found out on Friday afternoon that what I had feared had come true.
Now I thought I would crumble, I thought that with all of the history, I would falter. But despite the last week having been one of the most difficult that I have done through, I am fine. Dustin is fine. And I think our faith is stronger. Since Friday I have been more acutely aware of all of our blessings and more devoted than ever to adoption because I felt what it is to know I am ready to be a mother and that there is nothing I want more. I feel more aware of other's trials and how small my own frustrations must seem to others. And I know now that because of this trial, and I am sure the many more to come, my joy will be returned ten fold.
So let me clarify my opening statement. Something big is coming to our home, but I don't know when or what, I only feel very assured that we will be taken care of in a time frame that is not our own.
So I hope I didn't weird anyone out by sharing what may be too personal, but this is my journal and the Durham story and I think sharing heps me to heal the best.
Love you all!

First Things First

2008-09-18T13:22:00.000-07:00

So I know I have a lot to catch up on but enjoy this first...we think we will be famous for this someday!

Baby Boston!

2008-07-01T12:21:00.001-07:00

A LOT TO COVER!

2008-06-15T20:43:00.000-07:00

So I have definitely been out of the blogging world for a while because life has been crazy...but then again, whose isn't? Today, however, I realized that I had news that couldn't wait. As of yesterday around 8pm EST I became an aunt to a beautiful nephew. My sister is my new hero as she did this in a state far from home, with a doctor she barely new, without her parents right by, an apparently with very little help from the coveted meds. His name is Boston Daniel McIntyre and I adore him already. He was born 6 lbs. 14 oz and 20 long. Emylee is doing great and the grandparents are ecstatic. So this news has inspired me to catch up with other very important things that have been going on as well. Dustin graduated on May 9th with a degree in Bio Chemistry and Taylor graduated high school the end of May. We were recently certified to be able to adopt but I have yet to finish our profile (quite frankly it scares me to death to have to sum up me and Dustin and make us look amazing yet real in three pictures and a few paragraphs). Penny, our puppy, is the current love of our life and we almost had to give her a $1,000 surgery. Luckily she is okay without it but it gave us a scare (for money reasons as well as emotional). She is quirky and hyper and loves the fake bacon treats. She has learned to sit, lay down, and go through a card board tunnel. We love to snuggle with her and play with her.
So that is us in a nut shell and here are some pics! I will follow up better through the summer.

Dust and his mom Julie

Dust and his dad Tim

The crew: uncle Brian, Grandma and Grandpa Durham, Will (my daddy-o), Tim (Dustin's pop),
Jennie-Lou (Dustin's Grandma), Danielle (Dustin's sister and pregnant belly),
Julie, Dustin, me and Kathy (my mamma).

I'm so pretty, oh so pretty.

Letters hand designed by Lyndzee

T-Bone's graduation!

T-Bone and Sis in Law Jamie

Emylee's Baby Shower

2008-05-06T12:24:00.000-07:00

My sister Emylee is having her first boy this June so we had her baby shower a few weeks ago. it was a lot of fun. Most of my mom's family was there and I love seeing cousins. We played this great game called Tinkle in a Jar? It was hilarious watching everyone carry quarters between their knees and then dropping them into jars. One team ran out of quarters and used a grape. I am attaching a video because you don't get the full effect without the sound...oh yeah, they had to have pillows in their shirts also.
The beautifully pregnant Emylee (with her arm that looks like a chicken leg :) tasty!

Emy with some of her BYU buddies.

The girls before they did the tinkle game.

Chelsea, Bonnie, Danielle and Holly before they sucked down apple juice for a prize...Chelsea won.

The wonderful sister-in-law who made the whole party possible. She is the ultimate party planner. This pose was one of her many interesting poses she can do on the spot.

We are the Vanna Whites to Emylee's belly

I don't really remember what we were doing here.

Ta-Da!

The girls: Jamie, Emylee, Lyndzee and Kathy.

Our new love...most of the time!

2008-05-06T12:14:00.000-07:00

We recently adopted the cutest little Jack Russel puppy. We love her to death but we had no idea what we were getting into. she is so full of energy and even though we take her running twice a day, she doesn't slow down. She also used to be a lot cuddlier, but now she wants to play all of the time and she likes to bite our hands when we play. We are taking her in to get trained but we are really not doing very well trying to be the alpha dogs. Anyway, thought you would enjoy some pics.

More!!!

2008-04-10T22:18:00.000-07:00

Lime Cilantro Rice

1 c. white rice 2 cups Chicken Broth
1 Tbsp. Lime Juice ½ Tbsp. Garlic Powder
1 Tbsp. Minced Dry Onion Pinch of Salt

Cook the listed ingredients to the rice directions (substituting broth for water)

When rice is done add: ¼ - ½ c. fresh Cilantro, 1 Tbsp. Lime Juice,

½ can Green Enchilada Sauce Serving suggestion: Put the pork, rice, and some

black beans together in the 'cook at home' tortillas from Costco, and pour

enchilada sauce on top, sprinkled with a little cheese. Bake it in the oven until

the cheese is melted.

Lime Salad Dressing

1 pkg. Hidden Valley dry dressing mix
1 Tbsp. green salsa verde 1/8 tsp. Tabasco
1/3 bunch cilantro 2 minced cloves garlic
3/4 c. Mayonnaise 3/4 c. buttermilk
1 lime juiced and zested

Combine in a Blender

Creamy Tomatillo Salad Dressing:

3 fresh tomatillos, cut into quarters juice of 1/2 lime
1/2 cup buttermilk (or make w/dry buttermilk mix)
1/2 cup mayonnaise 1/2 cup sour cream
1 pkg. dry Ranch Buttermilk Dressing Mix
1 cup fresh cilantro (about one bunch)
6 stalks (1/2 bunch) green onions, w/ends
2 cloves crushed garlic 4 tsp. sugar
5 (cross section slices) jalapeno pepper

Combine well in blender and refrigerate one hour.

Café Rio’s Pork Barbacoa

2008-04-10T22:14:00.000-07:00

My awesome aunt sent me this, Enjoy!

2 ½ - 3 ½ lbs Pork Loin Roast ½ cup Dark Brown Sugar
½ cup Worcestershire Sauce
½ tsp Dried Oregano ½ tsp Powdered Ginger
1 tsp Salt 1 tsp Dry Chile Powder
1 tsp Garlic Powder 2 Tb Dried Minced Oni

Cook all of the ingredients in a Crock Pot approx. 4 hours on high.

Shred Combine 1 can of Red Enchilada Sauce and ½ cup Dark Brown Sugar.

Pour over the top.

Lonesome

2008-04-10T21:18:00.001-07:00

SO tonight is Dustin's first all night shift at the hospital, 7pm-7am, and I am not liking this too much. I have gotten used to not having him around on Saturday because he had to work, I am used to not a lot of date nights because of late shifts and homework, I am used to staying up late with him when he studies for tests...but this is a whole new bag of chips. I attended a Stake primary training meeting at 7 and came home to an empty apartment, not that that in and of itself is all that unusual, but it is stranger when I know it is going to remain just little (figuratively) old me.
Now I know I could be working on my talk for Sunday (how to teach children to learn how to recognize the spirit...any ideas would be helpful), I could be trying to implement all of the new secretary ideas I received at the meeting, I could do laundry or pack for my trip to Utah tomorrow, I could organize my photos, put away the last box from moving that has gone untouched for the last 3 weeks or actually do my ironing (which never gets done unless I wear the item that needs ironing usually causing me to run late to work or church). But no, I sit here and blog, or should I say whine, when really I should be thinking about Dust. The poor guy was up at 7 this morning and only got an hour nap in this afternoon before going to work. Then tomorrow he has to go to class after his shift. Of course I am not worrying that he will be home alone for the next two nights while I am off galavanting around Utah while visiting my sister and attending her baby shower.
OK, so I am lonesome, lazy and a bit of a self-centered wife. Don't worry, I taped The Office and that will cheer me right up!

Check It Out!

2008-04-09T13:26:00.000-07:00

We have added music to our blog! Scroll to the bottom of the page and check it out. It is on random so you could hear anything while you are checking out the blog, but there are a lot of songs on there so play around and let us know what you think. We are always up for recommendations and perhaps we will influence you with some of our favorites. Oh yeah, just like with politics, our music tastes are not always alike, so there is quite a variety.

Just to clarify...

2008-04-08T22:18:00.000-07:00

I just read Dustin's post and I just had to verify that we do not necessarily share political views...in fact I think his personal views change from day to day so please take it with a grain of salt. His studying of the Vietnam War has definitely put a fire in his belly about war. So I guess you will start seeing more than just my mushy posts. Have fun!

Crazy days

2008-04-08T21:30:00.000-07:00

Lyndzee has finally allowed me the right to post on our family blog, and for some strange reason I am a little excited. This new interest in blogging might stem from my apathetic mood toward school, as things begin to wrap up with my time at ASU, but oh well, at least ya'll get a different voice to listen to. I was just reading the last entry Lyndz made, and it might seem like our life is really depressing, but we are holding up. We still have not had any huge victories (Biochem still is a struggle, Teach for America outright rejected me, and we still have no children to speak of) Nevertheless good things are on the horizon. I was walking out of the temple this evening, and noticed several stop lights illuminated green all the way up 1st Avenue, with the exception of one red light, the one closest to me (naturally). I feel like that is our life together so far, we have been sitting at a red light for a little while, but soon the whole road is simply going to be wide open. Like Lyndz said we are trying to enjoy the journey, and recognizing all the while that these trials are some essential lessons that we need to learn.
The business is going along well, if anyone needs a pool guy in Scottsdale give me a call (I am OCD so you are guaranteed the cleanest pool on the block). I was up until three in the morning draining a pool last Thursday (no one was home thankfully, hope I start work at Scottsdale Healthcare in the NICU, I am doing my first night shift (7PM-7AM), which I am dreading I am not a night owl, so steer clear for the next few months if I happened to have pulled a night shift the previous night. I am excited though, we get to work real close with the premature babies, and the ones coming off drug addictions. I am accustomed to cleaning up really old people that are at the end of the line, so this will be a nice change, go from the end to the beginning. Despite all my endeavors, Lyndz is still the big time breadwinner, in fact I dont bring home much bread at all. She is an amazing worker bee, loyal and committed to the core of everything that she is, I am lucky to have her as my own.
On a final note I have been learning all about the Vietnam/Cold war this semester in my history classes so if anyone wants to discuss how we keep electing mentally handicapped, warmongering Presidents I would be happy to ramble.
Peace--

Bigger Than US

2008-03-31T12:27:00.000-07:00

So on Friday we had our homestudy with our case worker for the adoption process. He basically asks us more specific questions then we have already answered in our paperwork to make sure the judge gets all of the correct info. Then he looked over our house to make sure it was clean and child friendly. We just moved into a 2 bedroom apartment so we were up late on Thursday unpacking and putting on the final touches. My mom came over and I would not have been able to finish it without her. She has that mother nack and could put away things that I would just stare at...I was a little tired and fried that night. So now we just need to get a fire extinguisher and baby proof our cabinets with chemicals.
Our case worker was great and answered a lot of our questions and got us revved up again after all of the tedious paperwork had worn us down. He also, however, put a bug in our ear about foster to adopt programs though the state. It is a tough route to go because the goal of foster care is to return the baby to the family and you can end up taking care of an infant for 2 years and then have to give them back to their birth parents. The upside is that once you are certified through the state, you can receive a child to foster rather quickly.
Can I say that as my case worker described this to me it felt great! Dustin felt differently though. He looked at it all more practically and doesn't think we should foster until we have been able to adopt a child of our own. While our case worker described a family that had adopted 4 children through the foster to adopt program, they did have to give their child back the first two times they fostered and he said it was devastating.
I don't know. I can't let go of this feeling that this might be the way to go and it is bigger than us. we would be giving a home to children that really need it. As I looked at the LDS profiles of people looking to adopt, the numbers amazed me. There are so many wonderful people open to adopting, waiting to be chosen, hoping to get picked by a birth mother. And yet there are so many children in the state who need a stable home, who need the love and support that I know we can give. I know it could be challenging, I know we could have our hearts broken, but I can't let the idea go.
So it would be great if you could way in. We are going to an information meeting this Sat. so I will have more to report after that. And I know Dustin's feelings are valid. We are going to have to really pray about it all and be aware of all of the options and consequences before we make a decision.

Girls Night Out

2008-03-19T19:37:00.000-07:00

A few friends and myself decided to get together for a girls night and to watch Girls Just Want To Have Fun. Bethany said she thought we should go all out eighties style...so that is what we did. These are some cute pics of us all. We had a great time eating from a chocolate fountain, drinking strawberry daiquiries and chatting. Our topics ranged from families to religion to sex (modestly so) and it all made me love hanging out with girls..something that I hadn't loved doing so much after years of roomates in college. Anywho, enjoy the pics.

Fun Rockband Memories!

2008-03-19T19:21:00.000-07:00

Adopting!

2008-02-21T12:51:00.000-08:00

Well we have decided to go another direction in our deisres for a family and it is that of adoption. We couldn't be more thrilled. We recently went to an adoption training class, which is really more of an informative class about adoption, and we fell even more in love with the idea than we had before. It really taught us that the child or children that are meant for our family are out there. That through the bravery and faith of a birthmother, we can have the eternal family that was meant for us. I am at a point now where I could care less if I have my own children or if Heavenly Father wants me to adopt them all, either way they will be born from my heart.
We are still in the certification process but in a month or so we should be able to post our profile on the LDS Family Services web site for potential birth mothers. So far, even though we are not even certified yet, this has been a wonderful expereince. It is teaching me patience, as we must wait to be choosen by a birth mother, faith, I have to have faith that their is a child out there meant by Heavenly Father for me and Dustin, and love, love for all of those who help us with this process, love for all those who make the courageous decision to give up thier children for adoption so that the child can be part of an eternal family, love for my sweet husband who walked through a rain storm to get a check to the court because he said he would do anything for us to receive a child, and love for this amazing gospel that lets us know there is a plan for everyone and that Heavenly Father knows us each individually.
Once we get certified, and I guess even now, we will need everyone's help in getting the word out. You never know how the connection will come along that will bring us the child meant for our family. Please pray for us (as if we haven't asked for your prayers enough this year) and fell free to write and ask any questions. I love adoption and it is about all I ever talk about right now. We love you all!

New Toys!

2008-01-03T10:18:00.000-08:00

So my mom, despite how old we all proclaim to be, or how much we say we only need certain usefull items for Christmas, knows the kids inside us all and got Dustin and I a playstation for Christmas. Now, we aren't really video game people. Dustin has never been that guy who brushed me off to play a game or who found himself staring at a game screen straight for an entire weekend (there are these guys out there). But now we are officially addicted! We also got a game called Rockband with our playstation and we love it. Not only does it have a guitar and drums you can play with it, but there is also a mic so there are vocals. I love to sing, anywhere, anytime. I am not saying I am great or good at it but singing is my favorite thing to do. So in our band I am "Red Hot" the lead vocalist and I get to sing to my hearts content while Dustin is perfectly content learning to strum this toy guitar. If anyone is in AZ anytime soon, come stop by and you can join our band for the time being, we need someone for drums!!!!

Keepin'On, keepin' on!

2007-12-10T14:04:00.001-08:00

Well hello there, that is if anyone checks my blog any more since I haven't written in forever. Well I guess I should start with the fact that the artificail insemination didn't work out. It was not fun to find out at the time but we are moving on and staying positive. Add to that I have a sister and sister in law who are found out they are pregnant and we had quite the roller coaster month recently (feeling greast excitement to be an aunt being one of the "ups" of the roller coaster ride). We are still trying but we have had a few more bumps in the road with cycts that have both popped (very painful) and those that are just hangin out and stoping us from currently trying anything else. i have heard about every sort of comforting phase, especially that it is just not our time, but that doesn't really make the journey easier. However, I am determined to enjoy the journey, the good and bad. I keep reminding myself how valuable this time is with Dustin, that I have the ability to work and support him right now, that I have abundant time to think up a billion and one baby names, that I don't have long nights yet or any dirty diapers. I am determined to be a favorite aunt and in the mean time I can feel sorry for my sister's morning sickness instead of my own. We are counting our blessing everyday.
On the Dustin front, we are currently preparing to apply for Teach for America and to have Dustin graduate with his bachelor's in May. He still wants to be a doctor but this year didn't work out and we both think taking some time off of school mught be a good thing. Teach for America is an oportunity for Dustin to teach in inner city schools any where in the US for 2 years. They have a rigorous training the summer before you start and they are a very competitive program. We don't know if we will get in and if not we are fine with staying in town and reapplying to med school this summer. This has been a very difficult semester for Dustin, he has taken his most difficult science classes and right now is just crossing his fingers to pass. However, I know how hard he has worked and how brilliant he is. I know that he will become a doctor even if we take the longer route (the longer way seems to be our niche) and I am loving the adventures, the waiting and the fact that we have had to rely on our Heavenly Father's wisdom more than ever this year.
I will try to stay up on this more. We get to go away to Durango after Christmas so I should have some pics.

Happy Holidays!

Red Hair

2007-09-04T14:56:00.000-07:00

So I have been severely out of commision these past two months as we as a family have been taking care of my dad and recently threw him his 50th b-day party...which was absolutely wonderful. However, I must continue in the journal of my life since it seems to continue no matter what.
The first little note is that I have dyed my hair red. I love it and think it looks fabulous, but if you know me then you know this could change in a matter of years, months or minutes.
The second thing that has gone on recently is that Dustin and I have done artificial insemination. I only mentioned briefly in my "about me" section about our struggle to start a family but I thought since this is more that just a blog but my journal (and prettty much the only journal I am good at keeping up with) i should keep it honest and updated. Its funny, a couple of years ago I would never have thought to talk about "baby making" issues so openly. However, after talking about everything with numerous doctors, keeping my immediate family always up to date and being asked a lot of questions, the shyness has been replaced with the blunt facts...and dont ask me how I feel about it all unless you really want to hear, because I will tell you. : )

I guess that is all for now, I won't know if the procedure "took" for a couple of weeks but we are use all the positive energy we have.

New Blog

2007-07-09T13:20:00.000-07:00

For updates on my dad and his recovery and to drop notes, please visit a blog that will document his improvement and journal his journey. www.willnowell.blogspot.com

Is it being prideful if you are proud of someone else?

2007-06-08T11:22:00.000-07:00

As hard of a time as I give my husband, and I do give him a hard time most of the time, he is always amazing me and impressing me. First of all I am going to brag (without his consent) that he recieved straight A's his last semester. This having been done while working part time, doing bee research, trying to magnify his calling and taking on a school load of 20 credits. For some of you go getters out there this may all seem run of the mill, however, when Dustin and I got married balancing school and marriage was a difficult thing to balance...and this semester he found his groove. Also in the "my husband is the greatest" department, Dustin had been taking the bus to school recently when he decided he wanted to bring his bike on the bus so he could get across campus more easily. However, one morning he missed the bus and decided to ride all the way to campus! I am not sure how far it is but it is a good hours bike ride away. He has done this two other times since and plans to make it a routine. This is not something I would ever have done and I love him for doing it. To sum up, I think I have the most motivated, smartest, cutest, sweetest and "does the most gosh-darn things" husband ever.

I know i am not alone in these feelings so feel free to share your adoration of your loved ones!

Movie of the Week!

2007-06-01T11:22:00.000-07:00

We rented this from Netflix...and can I say how much I love Netflix, it allows you to see movies you would never have otherwise come across or chosen...anywho, Gandhi was fabulous. I don't know about you but I have always viewed Gandhi as a "more than human" character. Not to say that he was god like or anything but more of a superhero or too good to be true. This film brought him to life for me, it brought his principles to life for me and made his words more that just clever or insightful sayings, but words to live by, words to act by. And Gandhi's teachings are very relevant for our times today. The way he way he was able to get an entire country behind him to reinforce peaceful resistance is amazing. For a time Gandhi was able to get the Hindus and the Muslims to work together to accomplish their goal in unity, how wonderful would it be today to have the Democrats and Republicans and Indepedents come together, to inspire the nation to come together to have one goal. I doubt a fast on any one of our leaders parts today would cause the country to change. This movie, as simple of a medium as it may seem to inspire, made me realize that I want more from our leaders than I am seeing in this up and coming election. I want someone I can get behind. I am tired of saying that there are 2 or 3 that I would be OK with becoming our president. I want someone who inspires me to put a bumper sticker on my car (although I personally hate bumper stickers), who inspires me to debate on thier behalf, who makes me cry if they lose.
I know I have taken this movie review a little far, but does anyone else feel this way?

More summer fun pics!

2007-05-30T11:46:00.003-07:00

My sister Emylee and her cute hubby Jason. She is wearing a tankini for those who are modesty watchers.

The carefully crafted castle of Dustin, Jason, Taylor and Dad. It didn't hurt to have Dustin's OCD tendencies on the job.

My posing mamacita and pops.

T-Bone (Taylor) worked out every day we were there. Way to go!

Summer Vacation!

2007-05-30T10:40:00.001-07:00

Hey y'all. Sorry It has been a while. I am still getting over the intimidation of putting my writing skills to the test on the web. However, this weekend gafve me something to write about.
This weekend the family west to Mission Beach in San Diego. Thanks to my wonderful parents, we were able to stay in a beach house just a few houses away from the ocean. It was a beautiful three bedroom, three bath condo with a lot of sleeping space for the 7 of us that went. Plus a huge kitchen thast allowed us to eat in or out.
Anywho, the first day that Dustin & I got there, our family went on a bike ride to a bead store (funny that it was my dad's desire to go to the bead store). However, my dad then found that he needed to go to Ace Hardware to finish his project. Ace Hardware wasn't a close ride but for those of you who have gone on trips with my dad, he is not easily dissuaded. So off we went down teh crowded streets of Mission Beach, 5 beach cruisers and 2 skateboarders only to find that the store was closed. Well, to get to the chase, we took a different route home and got lost. This little stroll of a bike ride ended up taking about 4 hours. Despite the length of time, the chilly air, the the slopes we had to climb without any gears, it ended up being a lot of fun. We ended the night at a restaurant on the beach where I was unsuccessful at trying to down a oyster shooter (no alchohol involved :))

Sad But Funny

2007-05-10T12:24:00.000-07:00

let me just start by saying that our left hand shift key is broken and i don't have the patience to use the right hand shift today, too hard to retrain the brain. anywho, dustin has had quite the week. on tuesday he fell while skateboarding across campus and dislocated his arm. he was taken by ambulance to the hospital and now has to keep the arm in the sling for atleast the next month. thats the sad part. the funny part is that he fell while carrying a 50lb packpack and carrying another 50lbs of books in his hands while skateboarding over the light rail tracks. okay, so that is not quite funny yet. the best part about it is that he had just seen a skateboarder get off his skateboard in order to get over the tracks and he had thought to himself that anyone with skill would have ridden over the tracks....the lord humbles us in many ways :)
no, i am not an evil wife in disecting his embarrasing moments, he has admitted being humbled to me.
so now i am his chauffeur, his email typist, and about everything else. however, i am really enjoying serving him. it is amazing how the little things like getting up to get eachother a glass of water can be fought over, or who will turn off the bedroom light, or who will do the dishes, and yet when the service is much more time consumming but done with out being asked or just because it is needed, it is very fullfilling and rewarding and helps me to grow more in love with dust. wow, schmoopie but true. i am thankful for this chance to serve him ( dustin isn't quite thankful for the dislocated arm yet). so i suggest serving others in small and big ways for the next few days (or forever) and fall more deeply in love with those around you!

Decisions, decisions?!

2007-05-01T15:20:00.000-07:00

I found this program that would allow me to get my teaching certificate and my masters in education in one year. I was ecstatic. As far back as i can remembver I have wanted to be a teacher. Oddly enough I didn't take this route in school. I loved my English classes too much to sacrifice them for the education courses. So here I am today working in advertising (which I enjoy) and supporting Dustin through school...I digress. So I went to the meeting regarding this program last night and the more I found out about it, the more it seemed impossible to do. First of all, in the first 18 weeks of class we will take 30 credits... I won't be able to work full time with this type of workload. Second of all, I will have to do student teaching for 15-18 weeks so working at all will be out of the question. And lastly, the cost will at least be $7,000. I guess my biggest struggle with all of this is that I am not sure if my role right now is to be the supporter, to enable Dustin to get through school and to provide us with our benifits and a savings, or should I follow my dream while I can, move in with the parents and find a part time job that will leave us lacking a little when we go to Med school. How should I balance all of this?

What?

2007-04-24T16:50:00.000-07:00

So I know that I come off as technologically deficient, but I don't have a clue as to how to add more effectively to this blog and I need some tips. How do you add music? How do I add my friends blog addresses? How can I make this space interesting at all? Let me know.

Us!

2007-04-23T12:17:00.000-07:00